About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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