If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
We are two peas in an std pod
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I would fuck him just for his dog
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