Why are handjobs necessary in class?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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