I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
