I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
