SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
