i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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