someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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