The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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