paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
