Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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