State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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