how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
