ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
