He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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