I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
