Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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