And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
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