Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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