just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
