I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
