DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
