he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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