She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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