No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
