Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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