I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
