One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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