Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
