Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
