I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
