so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
