I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
