Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
