i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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