so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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