The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
