your thong is hanging out like whoa
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
