my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
