I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
