Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
