how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
