Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize