My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
