Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
