***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Randomize
