I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
