if i can run in heels then i can drive
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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