You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
