If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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