420 ftw
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
