you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
