I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
