This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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