Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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