I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
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