Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I need to align my fucking chakras
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