Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
