I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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