i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
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